


Begin Again

by headphonesbaby



Series: The Alchemy Between Us [2]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: I just really want them to get together already, Idiots in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:22:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29692194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headphonesbaby/pseuds/headphonesbaby
Summary: She remembers what she told him after the ambo crash - that he was the one who was always there for her.  That day, today, the days before and she thinks, the days after too.  She doesn’t doubt it.Matt Casey has wormed his way into her heart and a piece of it will always be his.
Relationships: Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Series: The Alchemy Between Us [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181966
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	Begin Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, apparently I do have second story in me :D
> 
> This one is a companion piece to Slow Show but told from Sylvie's perspective.
> 
> I've been listening to a lot of Taylor Swift lately hence the title.

Sylvie knew she couldn’t stay away too long.They’re supposed to be friends after all so she calls time on the space she requested.She, they, need to move forward somehow.

 _Reaching out was the mature thing to do_ , she reminds herself two weeks later as she listens to Matt talk about his latest home renovation job.She’s trying to quietly sip her coffee while resisting the urge to make suggestions for tiles and paint colors. 

They’re friends, yes, but not quite there yet too.

****

Sylvie slept through her alarm; she’s running towards the locker room.Hastily, she opens her locker and dumps her duffel bag inside .She checks the time, it’s exactly 8 am.She catches her breath and decides to start inventory.

She’s half way through counting the towels when she hears someone call her name.She looks up to see Greg smiling at her holding two cups of coffee and a bag of pastries from one of her favorite bakeries.

“Hey,” she greets, “your paramedics need more bag valve masks?”She gives him a knowing smile.

He laughs, “Nah, thought I’d stop by and surprise you with breakfast.”

Here’s the thing with Greg.He’s very, very nice, and he’s agreed to take it slow; for them to get to know each other properly instead of diving head first.Sylvie thinks he’s good for her.Slow is exactly the pace she needs right now while her heart’s mending.

“Why thank you, but aren’t you supposed to be on shift?” she questions.

“Yeah, about that,” he starts as he hands her a coffee and the bag, “guess I got assigned to 51 today.Apparently, Herrmann requested for some time off.”

She’s quiet for a moment, unsure of what to say.He moves to sit next to her.

“Plus, I heard a certain paramedic could use some help in case, you know, a mob of clowns suddenly appear,” he jokes, grinning crookedly, bumping her shoulder.

“Oh, haha.You think you’re really funny, don’t you mister?” rolling her eyes and placing one hand on her hip, fixing him with what she hopes is a withering glare.She can’t help it though, a small laugh escapes her lips.

 _Maybe this is what moving on looks like_ , she thinks.

Out of the corner of her eye she spots a flash of sandy blonde hair.

_Matt._

Oh.

She didn’t have time for coffee today.They’ve met at the pot every start of shift after she told him she didn’t need space anymore.

She feels guilt bubbling in her but then she reminds herself.

_Matt loves Gabby.She will not be a placeholder._

She focuses instead on Greg. 

****

They’re called to a two story house fire.She and Mackey are helping the kids Truck rescued when she hears Severide’s voice on the radio.

“Casey, we can’t get them out.There’s too much blood.We need the paramedics to come in and stabilize them before they can be moved.”

She looks for Matt then.He’s staring at her - for a second there’s a look of hesitation on his face before it’s replaced by steely resolve.

“Mackey, get ready,” she tells her partner even before Matt calls out the order.

Once they’re inside, she makes quick work of bandaging the cut on the mother.She tries to block out the noise. The memory of the last time she was called into a fire is swimming towards the forefront of her mind.She shakes it off.She can’t act scared now, not when there’s a life on the line.

There’s a loud bang then Greg’s voice on the radio informing Matt of the situation.

“Captain! Smoke’s turning black, it’s not looking good.You have to get out of there fast.”

“Casey, Mackey and I are bringing the father out now,” Sylvie hears Severide from her radio.

“Brett, we gotta go.How much longer?” Matt asks, his tone urgent.

“Just give me ten more seconds, I just need to get this IV in,” Sylvie responds pushing the needle, “Cruz, hold this IV bag.”

“Capp, get ready to move,” Matt orders. 

The four of them slowly transport the mother out of the house.As they reach the front door, there’s another loud bang and debris starts to fall from the ceiling.Sylvie sees Cruz and Capp quickly move the victim out of harms way and into the yard.She knows she’s not going to make it out in time.

Suddenly, there’s a pair of strong arms enveloping her, shielding her from the impact.

_Matt._

They stand there by the doorway as the smoke starts to clear.She can feel her heart beating at a million miles an hour.She know they’re not yet clear from danger but in that moment, it’s like time’s suspended.

She remembers what she told him after the ambo crash - that he was the one who was always there for her.That day, today, the days before and she thinks, the days after too.She doesn’t doubt it.

Matt Casey has wormed his way into her heart and a piece of it will always be his.

She’s still lost in her thoughts when Matt gently pushes her out the door and into the cold Chicago day.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice low, looking at her and assessing if she’s been injured.

“I’m fine.Thanks to you,” she says offering him a small smile, her voice steady. 

It doesn’t reassure him; He’s still looking at her with panic in his eyes and a worried expression.

It’s then that she realizes what it’s _really_ about. 

The mattress factory fire - where they lost Otis, where she broke her arm and left them to deal with the aftermath.

She tries a different approach.

“Casey, I’m fine.See?” she calmly tells him as she flaps her arms like a bird.She knows it looks weird but it does the trick.Matt’s face eases up, his shoulders less tense.

 _See, Matt, nothing’s broken_ , she thinks. _Maybe except my heart, still._

She touches his arm briefly before running towards 61 to bring their patient to Med. 

She’s not sure if it’s a gesture of comfort meant for him or for her. 

****

It’s close to 8 am the next day and shift is about to end. Sylvie is siting at the back of 61 closing out her reports when Greg approaches her.

“Hey Sylvie,” he calls out, hands in his pockets.

She glances up from her iPad and sees the look on his face.She just knows she’s not going to like this conversation.

“The captain’s the reason why you think you’re cursed.” he states matter-of-factly.

Sylvie mulls this statement over for a few seconds and considers her options.She can either lie to Greg - tell him he was imagining things or she can straight up tell him the truth.Greg’s a nice guy, she thinks, he doesn’t deserve to get caught up in her mess.

“it’s complicated” she says quietly looking at her feet.

Greg nods, “I get it.You’re not ready.It’s cool.When you are though, give me a call?”

She looks up in surprise to see his green eyes full of genuine understanding.She doesn’t deserve his goodness.

 _Maybe what she does deserve is to be alone,_ she thinks.

****

She’s at Molly’s after shift talking to Stella when she spots Matt alone at the bar.

She orders two beers, takes a deep breath and approaches him.

“This one’s on me.A thank you for saving my life earlier,” hoping her voice conveyed enough gratitude.

“Just doing my job,” Matt says, accepting the beer. 

He looks behind her and adds, “No Grainger?”

“No,” she says, “we decided we were better off as friends.”

She can tell it catches him by surprise but he schools his features and his expression changes into one that Sylvie could only describe as longing.

Her heart skips a bit.

Oh.

Oh _no._ _Oh pickles!_ She thinks.

She’s been trying so hard not to feel all these _feelings_ for him but when he’s looking at her like that, she can’t help but wonder.

_Maybe, despite it all, they can still work this out?_

****

Three weeks later, she invites Matt to a Stranger Things marathon and game night at Cruz and Chloe’s.She knows he still carries the weight of the fire that killed Otis; that he holds himself responsible.She thinks spending some time with the rest of the house off shift will help him finally heal and push away the bad memories and guilt from that day.

 _It’s what any friend would do,_ she thinks, remembering how he held her after she confessed how much she had been thinking of Otis, the sorrow in her heart at knowledge that their friend was missing out on so much.

She’s in the kitchen staring at the microwave timer, waiting for the popcorn when Chloe approaches her.

“So, what’s up with you and Matt?” Chloe asks innocently.

“What do you mean?” She tries to keep her voice even but it’s an octave higher than usual.

Chloe sends her a disbelieving look, clearly picking up on something.

She lets out a breath.“Okay, here’s the thing.”

She gives Chloe the cliff notes version then takes a big swig of her wine.God, she really hopes she doesn’t need to keep reliving that night. 

“Sylvie,” Chloe tells her gently, “something’s not adding up.”

“What’s not adding up? I don’t think we can be anything but friends at this point.He’s clearly still in love with Gabby,” Sylvie mumbles. 

“I don’t know about that.Coming from a completely objective third party,” Chloe points to herself before continuing in a singsong voice,” he’s been looking at you like he’s seeing that floating hearts Snapchat filter all night.”

The microwave beeps and Chloe grabs the popcorn leaving Sylvie alone with her thoughts.

 _It’s probably just Chloe’s pregnancy hormones,_ Sylvie thinks.

****

It’s four weeks after their Stranger Things marathon and she thinks she’s starting to move on from this feeling of loneliness that’s been hitting her in waves; that yearning for what could have been between them; the what ifs, an ode to maybe.

She’s making her way back to her apartment high on endorphins from a butt kickingspin class when she sees Matt waiting outside.

She stops dead in her tracks.

 _What is he doing here?_ She’s sure they didn’t have anything planned today.

“Casey?” Sylvie asks, “what are you doing here?Did we have something planned that I forgot about?”She gives him a confused look.

He tells her he’s there to fix her garbage disposal.It confuses her even more because she’s positive she never mentioned it to him. 

“I heard you, uh, telling Stella about it,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck, a sheepish look on his face.

It’s little things like this, she thinks, that drew her to him.That continues to draw her to him likemoth to flame.

That nagging, sad feeling is back but she pushes it down.

 _This is them trying to get back on track_ , she thinks.

She unlocks the door and lets him in excusing herself to take a shower.

“Take you time,” Matt says, “I’ll get started in the kitchen.”

****

Afterwards, she’s mentally pep talking herself in front of the mirror.She can do this, _right_?They’re friends and friends help each other, er, fix their garbage disposals, _right_?She just needs to focus on not doing anything stupid like kissing him again. 

She grabs her phone and looks at food options for delivery.Dinner, yeah, friends feed friends who help them out, right?Yeah, she’s totally _fine_.She selects a pizza shop and places the order on the app. 

She takes a deep breath before heading to the kitchen.

“I ordered some dinner.I figured it’s the least I could do to thank you for helping me out,” she tells him.

“It’s nothing, really,” he says while tightening one last screw, “should work now.”

He turns on the garbage disposal and it whirls to iife.

“Thanks, Matt.You’re a lifesaver,” Sylvie smiles at him.

. _Matt._ She hasn’t call him that in awhile.She tries not to but it slipped out before she could catch herself.

****

Later while they’re having dinner, she shows him videos of Amelia that Scott sent.Sylvie’s been missing out on a lot of Amelia’s firsts.She’s admittedly a bit down.With the pandemic and new quarantine restrictions, she hasn’t been able to visit.

“You know, I could always drive you to Rockford once the lockdown eases up.Helps to have a buddy during the trip,” he tells her sincerely.

_Oh no._

There he goes again being so darn thoughtful.She just can’t help it.

All her feelings come rushing back like a tsunami. 

Maybe she can’t really move on.Maybe they can work it out.She looks at him, really looks at him, at the genuine care and affection in his eyes - a look she knows is mirrored in hers.

But then it’s like someone dumped a bucket of ice water on her and she recalls why it can’t work.

_Matt loves Gabby.She refuses to be anyone’s placeholder._

She gets up abruptly and offers to get him another beer.

Matt clears his throat telling her, “it’s getting late, I should probably get going.”

She looks at him.That rush of sadness hits her again. _This is how is goes_ , she thinks, _this is how it should be._

Matt grabs his toolbox and makes a waving gesture before he stops.

He’s looking at her very, very intensely all of a sudden.

She hates that her heart skips a beat. 

“Sylvie, can we talk?” he asks.

Sylvie’s not sure she wants to hear whatever he has to say.She thinks she’s better off not knowing.It’ll help with moving on.She has to move on..

“Matt,” she starts, “we just got this, this friendship back,” gesturing between the two of them, “it’s almost back to normal, right?What’s there left to talk about?”

 _Please,_ she thinks, _I can’t take it anymore_.She’s looking at anything but him.

“A lot, Sylvie,” he begins, “look, I just want you to hear me out.I know I’ve said some things.Maybe I’ve said the wrong things but being around you makes my brain short circuit. It’s like I’m sixteen all over again.It was _never_ like this before.I don’t want to mess this up again,” he sighs.

Her head snaps up. _Oh._

She nods hoping it will encourage him to continue.

He does and she listens.

She listens to him say how he never expected feeling something more for her, how it crept up on him. How it just happened one day and he couldn’t pinpoint the exact time everything changed,it just _did_.

She thinks it’s exactly how she would describe it too. 

She remembers how he helped her find Dusty, how they had smuggled the cat into Med.How he knew that she would want to read Julie’s letter even before she did.How he held her after Julie died. How he jumped out of a moving fire truck to get to her.

Matt was just being _Matt_ but somewhere along the way, it developed into something more so naturally.

He continues to tell her that this is no regardless of Gabby. that’s he’s no longer in love with his ex-wife.He hasn’t been for a long time.He’s finally answering the question she asked him that night.

“I understand if you just want to be friends.I mean, I’ll take whatever it is that you can offer me at this point - anything to still be a part of your life, in whichever way works for you,” Matt says, sincerity in his eyes.

 _In whichever way works for her,_ she thinks.There he goes again, being so thoughtful.It’s one of the things she learned from him - valuing her worth because she deserves to put herself first. Its something he's consistently told her.

But then he’s pivoting - he’s telling her not to place him in the friend zone yet.How he thinks they’d be _really, really_ good together. How he knows he needs to earn her trust again while claiming that he’d prove to her that he was worth the risk every day.

 _Oh pickles_ , he’s saying everything she wants to hear and she can’t help but believe him because he’s Matt and he’s never steered her wrong before.She knows even before he’s done that she’d willingly open up her heart to him again. 

“If you give me another chance, I think, no, I _know_ we can make each other really, really happy, Sylvie Brett,” Matt finishes grinning from ear to ear.It’s a smile that takes Sylvie’s breath away.

She knows she should say something but now _her_ brain is short circuiting.

Matt’s smile falters, his eyes are growing wild, “talk to me, Sylvie.Say something - anything.”

It snaps her back to reality.The sadness she had carried all these months begins to quiet and fade.In its place, she feels the possibilities instead - the possibilities with Matt Casey. 

She says the only thing she can think of in that moment.A big goofy grin is plastered on her face.

“You could have saved us both a lot of time if you had said all that sooner.”

Matt closes the distance between them.He caresses her cheek and she leans into his touch. When they kiss, she thinks she can hear the universe whisper _finally._

_****_

Much later, they’re on her couch, sitting in comfortable silence, watching House Hunters re-runs.She’s tucked into Matt’s side, his arm over her shoulder, fingers absentmindedly playing with her hair.

Her mind drifts as she recalls a passage from a book she read.

_Love has the longest arms._

She thinks of how they got here and smiles to herself, a sense of peace washing over her.

Indeed it does.

**Author's Note:**

> The quote 'love has the longest arms' is from Charmed Thirds by Megan McCafferty (book number 3 of one of my favorite book series) and I've just always loved that line from the book.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Much love and peace x.


End file.
